The Lady of the Lake
by NoTimeToStop
Summary: Ha Ni never thought she would regret loving Seung Jo, but her doubts have finally caught up to her.
1. ONE

**The Lady of the Lake**

 **ONE**

She dreamed of a forest, lush and green and beautiful. The golden light pouring through the high branches was warm and filled with fairy dust. The air was heavy and sweet with the scent of foliage and the taste of magic. The grass was soft and cool under her feet, and she smiled delightedly to herself. She recognized the ethereal forest at once as the one she had first entered so many years ago. A leaf had led her to the spirit of the forest, dazzling in his calm, self-assured splendor, and she had fallen in love.

She walked through the forest now, down familiar paths, enjoying the afternoon sunshine and safety of her imagination. She heard a brook gurgling in the distance, and directed her steps towards the sound. She expected to find him there, stretched out along the bank, basking in the light. Radiant. She was surprised, however, to find at the water's edge not her love, but a woman. The woman was sitting on the ground, her knees bent and her feet tucked beneath her. She was wearing a long white dress, and her thick dark hair fell down her back between her shoulder blades in lovely coils. She gently stroked her hand across the water's surface, her fingers creating small ripples. Though the woman faced away from her, she knew instinctively she was beautiful. She was drawn to her, and without conscious decision her feet led her forward. Her heart caught in her throat, pounding with her quickened pulse. She was suddenly excited and nervous and sad, without knowing why.

The woman turned her head as she approached, and smiled upon her. "Mama?!" She had known her mostly from photographs, the lovely face dulled in her own childish memory, but there was no doubt that the woman sitting before her now was the late Mrs. Oh.

"My Ha Ni." She opened her arms, and Ha Ni fell into them. She sobbed into her mother's shoulder, as she stroked her hair. "My sweet, precious Ha Ni." It was too much joy and sorrow at one time, and Ha Ni thought her heart might burst with it. There was so much she wanted to say, so much she wanted to tell her mother and to ask. Where was she? Was she happy? Did she watch over them, her father and her? Was she proud of the things Ha Ni had done?

"Mama-"

Mrs. Oh pressed a finger to her daughter's lips, and Ha Ni realized that even in the warm sunshine it was pale and cold. She shook her head and glanced at her daughter fondly. The corners of her eyes were drawn in sadness. Ha Ni hated to see the sadness in her mother's eyes. She would have given anything to be able to take that pain and sadness away from her. To see her smile again. Mrs. Oh had a beautiful smile that lit up the entire room – like the sun breaking through the clouds on a dreary day. Her father always said she had inherited her mother's smile. Ha Ni liked to think that was true. "Oh Ha Ni. Where has my Oh Ha Ni gone?"

Mrs. Oh was staring right at her, looking into her eyes. Surely she must see her. "I'm here, Mama. Right here."

Mrs. Oh shook her head again slowly. "My Ha Ni is gone. She is gone."

Ha Ni clutched her mother's hands. "I'm not gone, Mama. I'm here! Please look at me."

She did. Mrs. Oh's gaze was penetrating; her eyes gleamed with the power of the supernatural realm to which she now belonged. Ha Ni gasped as she felt the physicality of her mother's gaze piercing through her. _She is looking through me,_ Ha Ni initially thought, but, no, that wasn't right. People had looked through Ha Ni most of her young life. This was different. Her mother wasn't looking _through_ her but _into_ her, piercing her exterior and infiltrating the deepest depths of her soul, shining a light into secret crevices Ha Ni hadn't even known existed inside herself. She could feel it all at once, standing spiritually naked and exposed, and she felt ashamed. She didn't want her mother to inspect and see and find her lacking.

As though reading her mind, her mother dropped her gaze. She looked out across the still waters. "Where has my Ha Ni gone?" she repeated. Her voice was inhuman, spoken from a great distance and full of the knowledge of the world's suffering. A thin breath like incense lost in the air.

"I don't understand." Mrs. Oh nodded and gestured with her hand. Sweeping it out across the water, motioning for Ha Ni to kneel over and take a look. Ha Ni obeyed. She placed her palms flat on the rugged earth and leaned forward. There was nothing. She looked quizzically back over her shoulder at her mother, but Mrs. Oh simply shook her head and motioned again. Ha Ni leaned forward further. Above her, the sun was beginning to disappear behind raging storm clouds. The trees swayed with the rising wind. A stray leaf blew into the water and rushed downstream. The pebbles under her hands dug into her tender flesh. She didn't know what her mother wanted her to see. Then, with horrifying recognition, she realized it wasn't what she was could she but what she couldn't.

She had no reflection.

She looked desperately at her mother for explanation. Thin tears trailed silently down Mrs. Oh's cheeks as she began to fade away. Graying and translucent, disappearing back to the place she belonged. "Where are you Ha Ni?"

"Mother!" Ha Ni reached for her mother, but she was already gone. She wanted to follow her, but didn't know how. Around her, the winds began to howl, whipping the tops of trees and churning the waters. Thunder rumbled in the black clouds and lightning flashed overhead. Her mystical world was alien and frightening. Was this the same forest she had explored in anticipation? Ha Ni turned back to the stream and searched for her reflection. Any tiny image of her to prove she existed.

Horrified, she watched as from the waters a beast arose. His horns appear first, long and gnarled, black as the midnight sky. The water spilled from the dark crown of his head and down his pale skin. She recognized in the distorted face her spirit of the forest. No longer celestial and magnificent, divine in his beauty and glory, he was ugly. Dark and cruel-featured. Dreadful. Evil. He grabbed her wrist, grabbing her into the black depths of the waters below.

She screamed.


	2. TWO

**TWO**

Ha Ni woke up. Torrential rains beat against the glass window pane above her head. The sky was dark and foreboding. She was unsure whether it was night or morning. Her body was covered in a cold sweat, and she felt disoriented. The fragments of her anxious dream still clung about her, and she thought she could see the evil spirit before her still. She blinked her eyes to rid herself of the image, and reached beside her in bed, searching for the warmth of her husband. The space was empty and cold. She sat up, concerned and anxious.. In the dim light, amidst the sea of pink that covered their room, she could make out a shape, tall and lean, hunched over. "Seung Jo?" She blinked rapidly, adjusting to the pale brightness.

Seung Jo was already dressed for the morning. His hair was damp and combed back from his face. He was shoving books into a knapsack. Ha Ni shoved aside her blankets and crawled to the end of the bed. She put her hands on the white metal frame, and watched his movements. Slow and steady. He was never rushed, never uncertain. Every move he made was exact and careful; he never acted needlessly. There was an elegance in his long fingers, grace in every motion of his hand, dexterity in the thin wrist peeking out from the cuff of his sleeve. She knew from experience the subtle strength of those perfectly curved arms. He was so beautiful; sometimes it hurt her just to look at him. "What are you doing?" she asked tentatively, afraid to break the spell created by him.

"Dummy, what does it look like I'm doing?"

"It looks like you are getting ready for class." A frown creased the space between her eyebrows. She glanced at the calendar tacked to the wall for verification. "But it's Saturday. You don't have class today."

"I have to study."

"All you do is study," she complained. Seung Jo had been staying out last most nights, holed up in the university library and poring over books. He was a genius; he had an eidetic memory, and could recall copious amounts of information after reading it only once. Why did he need to study so much? "I thought we could watch a movie today, go for a walk, maybe have dinner in a nice restaurant." Ha Ni loved going out with Seung Jo, loved showing him off to the world. She'd smile like a fool the entire time. Seung Jo would tell her she looked ridiculous – what was she smiling so widely at nothing for? But she couldn't help it. She was happy. Seung Jo was hers.

He gestured to the weather outside. "It's not exactly a good day for a date."

"We could stay in!" she suggested. "We could watch a movie on television or play a game. You can take a break from studying for one day."

He frowned. "Studying is important."

"I know but-"

"I need to work hard if I want to become a doctor. Don't you want me to become a doctor?"

"Of course…" Seung Jo heaved his backpack onto his shoulder. A sign she wouldn't be getting her way this morning. Ha Ni tried her hardest not to pout. She felt like she hardly saw her husband anymore – and they were still so new in their marriage. Fresh and uncertain. Tentative. Careful. Or was that just her? She wanted to be supportive of him, but she missed him.

"I'll make you breakfast!" Ha Ni scrambled off the bed, tripping over a pile of her clothes from the day before.

"I don't have time."

"Okay." Ha Ni followed him from the room, down the stairs, to the front door. She could hear and see the rain, lashing against the windows like it was angry they should live in such a beautiful home and wanted inside. She watched as Seung Jo stepped out of his house slippers and into a pair of shoes she knew would be soaked the minute he stepped in a puddle. She grabbed his umbrella – a somber black, painfully ordinary one – and handed it to him. The disappointment on her face had morphed into worry, the frown lines deeper, her brow furrowed above her eyes. "The weather is bad. I don't think you should go."

"It's fine. The trains are still running. I've been out in much worse. _You've_ been out in much worse," he pointed out impatiently.

"Be careful," she pleaded, placing a hand lightly on his upper arm. He moved away from her touch, and her arm fell uselessly against her side. There was nothing she knew she could say that would change his mind. Seung Jo was stubborn. His resolve, his complete self-assurance had once attracted her; the way he carried and never doubted himself. Lately his stubbornness bore less of its previous tenacity and confidence, and tasted more of obduracy, arrogance, and cynicism.

The wind caught the open door as Seung Jo went to close it, and slammed it shut behind him. Ha Ni watched through the window as he opened the umbrella and stepped out into the rain. It hardly kept off the rain, catching in the wind and spattering him with fat droplets. She knew he would be soaked within minutes. Then he would sit around in wet clothes the remainder of the day, in the poorly ventilated, poorly heated library. He was probably going to catch a cold. She should have tried harder, she decided, to make him stay home today. She should have pleaded, gotten angry. She should have locked the front door and thrown away the key.

But that wasn't the way with Seung Jo. Once he had made up his mind to do something, nothing on earth, nor in heaven or in hell, could change it. He would only have seen her crying as weakness, her begging as clingy. He despised weakness, especially in her. She could follow him, she thought. Trail behind him and make sure that he made it to the library safely. Sneak inside with warm, dry clothes in a waterproof bag. She had certainly done that before – and it usually ended in disaster.

They were married now. She couldn't follow him everywhere. What if he got sick of her hanging around all the time? What if he started to regret the decision he had made? Ha Ni walked to the kitchen to begin making breakfast for the rest of the family, but she couldn't concentrate. All she could think of was Seung Jo, wondering where he was, how he was doing, where she ranked on his list of priorities. Whether there was someone at the library with him, enjoying his presence, the turn of his mouth while he read, while she was home alone…

No, that was foolish. Of course Seung Jo loved her. Becoming a doctor was important to him, but so was she. He had taken her as his wife. Oh Ha Ni. Not He Ra or any of the other girls who had chased him tirelessly for years. She was Noah's Snail, and in the end her persistence had won. "Of course he loves me," she told herself aloud, and then smiled fondly at the familiar kitchen. This house was home, even before she had taken Seung Jo's name. It was as comforting as her grandmother's tiny apartment, as full of love.

Ha Ni carved into an orange. The juice was sticky and sweet. She licked the drops that trickled down her fingers. She would spend the day studying too, she decided. She would become the kind of woman Seung Jo could be proud of…the kind of smart, diligent woman he would be attracted to. Yes, she would study hard. She would make herself worthy.

Ha Ni cut into a quarter of the orange, slicing the tip of her finger in the process. A drop of blood splashed onto the counter. The citrus stung her wound. "Ouch!" Her eyes welled with tears at the sudden pain, and she stuck the injured digit into her mouth. She sucked, and the blood was warm and coppery on her tongue. It made her think of vampires and passion, of their irresistible desire, their insatiable hunger. Seung Jo teased her sometimes because of how intensely she craved him, how often she sought his mouth with hers, and stole kisses just because she could. "Naughty girl," he would say, but was it naughty to desire the man you loved, to experience your husband? She had patiently waited so long for the chance.

Seung Jo hadn't kissed her goodbye this morning, she realized. No quick peck on the mouth or cheek. No gentle brushing of lips against her forehead. Nothing. Not even a hug. No gentle tug of her hair or tuck behind her ears. "He was in a hurry," she consoled herself. "He just forgot." _He forgets a lot lately_ , a voice inside her warned. She was almost always the initiator of their physical affection. In their relationship, it was she who seemed to possess the most sexual longing – the most yearning of any kind really. She wanted him so badly sometimes she physically ached for him. A relentless thorn in her flesh. A hunger in the pit of her stomach that was never satisfied.

Ha Ni ran her finger under the facet and went in search of a bandage. She would wash the laundry, she decided, do the dishes, change the sheets on their bed. Anything to distract herself from the sudden questions raging in her head. The voices and doubts that were becoming louder and harder to ignore with each passing day. She would busy herself and continue to play the role of "good wife." She would make herself forget that her husband rarely touched her and perhaps never truly had.


End file.
